As the honking horns, bustling streets, masses of pedestrians, and chaos of Cairo slipped beneath the smog and clouds, my eyes began to fog up. As my reality became a memory, my mind was flooded with countless recollections of birthday parties in the slums, swim practices during dust storms, treks in the desert, meetings with government officials, and coffee with friends. This place I once only knew as Egypt, had become "home." These kids who quickly became friends were now my "family." Reclining in my slightly broken aisle seat of Egypt Air flight #777, it hit me. Life would never be quite the same.
Due to allegations, accusations, and threats, the decision was made to step out of a place I had grown to love. Yet my heart begs the question, "Where is home?" The cliché, "Home is where the heart is!" somehow leaves me hanging. When I recall the painful goodbyes standing on a sidewalk in Covent Gardens (London) attempting to say something of substance to a team of swimmers I love, or my feeble efforts at bidding farewell to precious individuals in Cairo who are far more than mere friends, I recognize the inadequacy of linguistics and the emptiness of au revoirs. Corrie Bramsen Mutilva summed it up brilliantly in these words:
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| With a few of my dear friends/swimmers in Cobham |
But that saying leaves a question in my mind,
'Cause my heart has taken root in several countries, Does that mean I leave a part of me behind?
There's a portion of my heart that's in the desert,
And another part that's in the USA,
I have sisters and brothers in each nation,
And it hurts each time I have to go away.
But I've come to learn home is more than just a country,
I can have three homes, or four, or even more.
For home is anywhere I'm serving Jesus.
It's anywhere He's opened up the door.
So home is in the dunes of the Sahara.
And here in Carolina's mountain domes.
And wherever He may lead me in the future,
I know that He will make it home, sweet home!
As tempting as it is to wallow in the discomfort of change, God has called us to live as pilgrims in a world which is, ultimately, NOT our final home. Rather than focus on the absence of dear friends left behind, how thankful I am that God gave me the opportunity to know and be blessed by each of these lives. From the Karim Hassan's to the Myada El-Barkouki's, my life will never be the same.
As a follower of Jesus who believes in His work and words, there is the promise that He has conquered death and offers eternal life. (for the complete story, see here) Thus, it is vital to recognize AND live out our true identity. Philippians articulates, we are "citizens of Heaven." (3:20) NOT in the future tense, but rather, the present. Our lives are to be a reflection of our identity and our life's pursuit ought to show our faith—or may I suggest, it DOES show our faith. The only question is, "Do we really believe it?" Does your life show your hope beyond the grave? Or does death still carry potency?
In the book of Hebrews, the author notes [after reviewing a number of incredible lives], "Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them." (11:13-16) The word for "transients" (strangers) most literally means, "without a share" (think stock market). These are the ones whose investment is not in temporal commodities but in eternal assets.
Are we living for eternity, or merely for time? The separation, changes, and divisions on earth only remind us of our temporary residence status. This life is not forever, but the impact and decisions we make will echo in eternity. Are we prepared to lay aside the temporary for the sake of the eternal? Does not our heart compel us to live for more than this world can offer? The plethora of goodbyes create a longing in my heart for something more permanent.
In the musical, Fiddler on the Roof, Hodel, the second daughter of Tevya (lead character), is leaving home/family to join her lover in the wastelands of Siberia. As she parts from the train depot, she sings these words to her Papa: [edited]
How can I hope to make you understand, why I do what I do?
Why I must travel to a distant land, far from the home I love.
There where my heart has settled long ago, I must go, I must go.
Who could imagine I'd be wandering so far from the home I love. Yet... there with my love, I'm home.
My friends I will forever hold dear. My heart breaks each time I part ways with loved ones because they provide a glimpse of our deep longing for permanency and relationship. Wherever I unpack my suitcase or brew my next pot of coffee may have different surroundings, language, and people, but to those I leave in the wake, allow me to say as Wickham eloquently expressed in Pride and Prejudice, "Let us say not farewell, but as the French have it: 'Au revoir!'"
Life is the journey. Heaven is my true home. That place where "my heart has settled long ago." On that day when I see Jesus face to face, then the tape will be broken, the race will be won, the pilgrimage will be done, and I will be home. Until then, "I must go."
Nathan - I'm sad to hear you are leaving Cairo, but I appreciate your outlook. A bit of a hymn I read years ago has stuck with me, and I think it will encourage you as well.
ReplyDeleteOne step thou seest, then go forward boldly
One step is far enough for faith to see
do thy duty and thy next duty shall be told thee
For step by step The LORD is leading thee.
You remain in our prayers! We are looking forward to seeing some of your dear family in a few weeks time. God speed, my friend!
Laura Bonner
Thanks for posting this Nate. It was good for me to read as I move to my new home in Ecuador. I feel like I just keep investing in relationships, and then leaving! It's hard. And it's hard to keep those friendships going when you're not sure if you'll ever return to that country. "I have sisters and brothers in each nation, And it hurts each time I have to go away." I really identified your sister's poem. Is it a song as well?
ReplyDelete~Erin
The writer of Hebrews, speaking of Moses...though I believe it's also true of you.
ReplyDelete"By faith he left Egypt...for he endured, as seeing Him who is unseen." Hebrews 11:27
Praying for you, Nate.
~Beth
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear, And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
"brilliantly"?!?! :)
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Thank you, Nate, for sharing this...i've been taking my time reading thru all your posts, and this one i especially needed to read today. I loved the poem that your sister (i'm assuming that's who Corrie is) wrote, and have found it so true, especially like the part about "home is anywhere i'm serving Jesus, It's anywhere He's opened up the door."
ReplyDeleteI had the privilege to visit with Fausto & Laura H. in my family's home for a night, and they shared such words of encouragement to me regarding the future and waiting on the Lord, and trusting when He says "Go!" to go. I agree with you, with the difficulty of making friends, feeling like family in places all over the world, and then moving on. It's a struggle for me, that desire for stability and relationship, but praise be to our God Who is completely trustworthy and knows the end from the beginning. So, all that to say, Thank you.